Mainstream Forgiveness process

Any time you are upset and want something different try this

Introduction

Mentally affirm your desire to see beyond personalities and stories to what ever deeper issue might be causing your upset. Let go of the thought that someone else does not want the best for you or is trying to deliberately hurt you or make your life more difficult.

Steps

Step 1

When you (describe the specific behaviour – avoid story)……  I feel……..  and I react by ……. Listener summarizes and reflects back what they heard both in terms of content and feeling e.g. ‘I understand that you are upset about …. and I also see that this is causing you a lot of pain, anger etc.’

Step 2

I do this to hide my more vulnerable feelings of (sadness, fear, abandonment, loneliness) Listener: I hear you or thank you

Step 3

Just like when … Listener: I hear you or thank you. 

Step 4

At that time I told myself … and it wasn’t true (belief about self, others or the world) Listener: I hear you or thank you.

Step 5

I have been using this situation with you to try and prove again that …. is true and I have been mistaken. Listener: Thank you.

Step 6

Will you help me remember that even though these things happened in my past, what I told myself was not true and the truth is that I … Or:

• I want to understand myself and you and let go of the need here to be right

• This is what is underneath – I am afraid that ….

• I believe … about myself and think others do too

• I know this is a mistake

• Will you help me remember we both just want to love (support if it is not a close relationship) each other?

Listener: Yes I will help you remember that the truth is that you …

> download the six-step overview (in pdf) > download het zes-stap proces (in Dutch, in pdf) > download het zes-stap werkblad (in Dutch, in pdf)[/threecol_one_last]